When I die, think only this of me: Blimey, this is difficult!

The tradition of observing a minute’s silence to commemorate the personal sacrifice of military personnel in past battles has undergone a certain evolution through time, transforming into the preferred method of marking the passing of any figure of public note. This is most noticeable in sports arenas, where the entire crowd is asked to remember the person in question for a minute prior to the day’s match. This is an excellent approach: the ceremony, brief and relatively informal though it is, can be held in focus by those who feel most affected. (Note that I use the phrase ‘most affected’ to differentiate the sports fans from the general population as a whole; the fans’ feelings can in no way match those of the departed’s friends and family.)

In recent years, the minute’s silence at sports grounds has been replaced by the minute’s applause. Whether it’s thought that using the universal sound of appreciation is more appropriate to sporting and entertainment figures than the more sombre requirements of people killed in battle, or whether it’s to cover for the fact that a reasonable proportion of football fans are unable to focus on anything for a full minute (or at least stand still for that length of time) is unclear, but it certainly seems more fitting in its context.

I’ve been thinking about all this since listening to a program on commemorating the war dead on Radio 4 this morning, and wondering how I’d like my passing to be commemorated. I am reminded of the example of Jeremy Hardy, who once said:

“I would quite like to die in a way that causes maximum inconvenience to others – on an escalator, or while having my blood pressure taken. Or at somebody else’s funeral. Attention-seeking to the last.”

As a comedian, it’s understandable that Jeremy wants to get as much attention as possible, and it will certainly cause a few people to remember his passing. For myself, I prefer to cause as little consternation amongst large groups of people as I can, so lasting remembrance is unlikely to come my way through this route.

I believe I fit into that category of people who will never amount to much on the world stage, and will pass on with no corresponding outpouring of public emotion. However, should a large group of people feel that I’m worthy of being commemorated in a public act, I will at least want people to remember that. So neither a minute’s silence for me, nor a minute’s applause. I want a minute’s hopping on the spot. It would look ridiculous and unseemly, and most would fail in the attempt, but the thought amuses me and it should (if done properly) amuse everyone who’s trying to hop too. You may not wish to hop, and that’s your right, and I won’t be upset (I’ll be rotting). But you should be amused, and if you’re not I don’t want you commemorating me at all, you miserable sod.

March 9, 2010   Tags: ramblings

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